New thoughts on the Afterlife

Thoughts on the Zombie Apocalypse:

A funny idea was brought up at the office one morning during a discussion on cremation over burial. The girls were talking about what their family thought about cremation and one of them claimed their husband was against it because of the Second Coming. He claimed that when Jesus came back, his wife could not be resurrected due to her body no longer having a human form, but instead was a bunch of ashes dissolved into the ocean or earth. I chimed in that it may be better to be resurrected as ash than as a walking corpse who, depending on how well the undertaker did his job, might be in some form of decay. According to the woman’s husband, essentially the Second Coming would be signified by a vast amount of zombies walking the earth. Does this mean that Jesus will bring about the Zombie Apocalypse? It’s really a terrifying thought, being resurrected by the Savior only to find out that you’re a walking corpse; essentially a zombie.

Surely someone as powerful and intelligent as Jesus Christ would know better than to breathe life into partially, or even fully decomposed bodies, even if we did retain our memories and soul. Maybe the movies all got it wrong, what if the zombies are the “good guys” and the survivors are the “bad guys.” I’ve thought this entire time that, when the zombies come, I would have to gather the survivors and make my way to the ocean, gathering supplies and ordinance, in order to defend the last vestige of mankind from the walking dead. What if I carve a path through the land of zombies all the way to the Atlantic before I realize that all the undead I have slaughtered are actually God’s People resurrected? Could I even resist such a thing, after being conditioned by Robert Romero and all the others who have made zombie movies off of which I base my strategies? I’ve hardened myself to the grim reality that the Zombie Apocalypse presents for society as a whole: the crumbling of infrastructure, the loss of loved ones to unspeakable evil and the idea that a head-shot could meant the difference between life and death; but I had never given thought to the idea that it would all be brought about by the Second Coming, or that the Rapture might leave us all with a world dominated by the skeletal remains of Abraham Lincoln. Strategies will certainly have to be reworked at this point, anyways.Honestly, now that you’ve brought this up I’m shocked that nobody else has ever addressed this issue. Why aren’t religious leaders informing us of this?

First Reply..........

Why aren’t Republicans using this against Obama? If Obama was as smart as he thinks he is he would jump all over this and make it an issue leading up to his reelection campaign. I think there is a conspiracy to keep us from knowing the truth about zombies and the apocalypse.

It is comforting to know that we have you on the government payroll thinking about important issues like this.


However, you do make a few statements need a little deeper thought.

For instance, your concern that you would “carve a path through the land of zombies all the way to the Atlantic before I realize that all the undead I have slaughtered are actually God’s People resurrected?”. I don’t mean to offend your prowess as a fighter but what experience in your past leads you to believe you could even carve a path down your driveway before being mowed down by a pack of rampaging zombies? I doubt if you even really know how to kill the undead. And if the undead get redead don’t they just get raised again? Plus, maybe you should consider the fact that once you are killed you might arise as one of the zombies you seem hellbent on carving thru. Then you will look at guys who have your attitude as being quite unenlightened.

Second, the thought that Jesus can’t resurrect a cremated body is absurd. What about people who have been incinerated in wrecks or by bombs or by accidental meth lab explosions? It seems unfair to say that a soldier who was hit by a bomb has forfeited his chance at the good life beyond the grave. In fact, 99% of the population could use a new physical form. I think the Man In The Sky would give the resurrected an upgraded body that is more appreciated by society as a whole. You don’t want to spend eternity always feeling like you need to work out more or be careful what you eat, or constantly feeling like you need some cosmetic surgery. Who will even perform cosmetic surgeries in the afterlife? Has anybody thought about that?

And do you really think it would be better to be resurrected as ash? You wouldn’t even be able to turn on a tv or drive a car or drink beer. And don’t expect to get any dates. Plus, you would always have to rely on someone pouring beer on you. Think about how you would suffer if you couldn’t drink beer by yourself for eternity. Clearly it is better to have a functional decayed corpse than be a pile of ashes.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------